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Name It to Tame It: Why Emotional Awareness Is the Skill Every Retired Athlete Needs

You can’t lead others until you can lead yourself. And you can’t lead yourself until you understand what you feel.
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When the game ends, no one teaches you how to sit with what you’re feeling.

You go from highly structured schedules to make it up as you go along.

From high stakes and packed stadiums to feeling like your presence or absence barely makes a difference.

So you hustle. You grind. You stay busy.

Anything to not feel the weight of… what is it, exactly?

Restlessness?

Shame?

Loneliness?

Uncertainty?

We often don’t know. And that’s the real problem.

The Invisible Opponent: Emotional Reactivity

 

In sports, we’re trained to override emotions, not understand them.

  • Feeling nervous? “Shake it off.”

  • Feeling angry? “Good. Use it.”

  • Feeling doubt? “Prove it wrong.”

That works on the field.

But in life? It can backfire. Hard.

Instead of processing what we feel, we suppress it. And suppressed emotions don’t disappear, they mutate and linger. Into burnout. Resentment. Numbness. Explosive reactions at the wrong people, at the wrong time.

My Story: Unlearning the Need for Approval Reflex

 

After I left sports and started creating content, I thought I moved on.

But the truth hit me after I posted something I believed in and the response was criticism and judgement. 

Immediately, my body tightened. I felt anxious. Rejected. Then I felt angry and spiteful.

And I took it personally.

I reviewed the content over and over spiraling into overthinking and overanalyzing every detail.

“Did I say something wrong?”

That’s when I realized I wasn’t just reacting to the post. I was reacting to years of needing approval, judgement, perfection, and fear of rejection.

Even now, those moments still come up. But now I pause.

I remind myself to let go: “This isn’t about the post. It’s the old fear of not being enough.”

Awareness doesn’t make the emotion disappear.

But it stops it from controlling you.

What the Science Says: “Name It to Tame It”

 

Neuroscientist Dr. Matthew Lieberman coined the phrase “name it to tame it” after fMRI scans showed that labeling emotions reduces activity in the amygdala (the brain’s fear center) and increases activity in the prefrontal cortex, the seat of rational thinking.¹

Put simply: when you name what you feel, you regain control.

This is especially powerful for retired athletes and coaches, whose nervous systems are conditioned for immediate reaction, not reflection.

Common Emotional Pitfalls of Retired Athletes & Coaches

 

  1. Shame for starting over

    → “I should be further along by now.”

  2. Grief masked as anger

    → “After everything I’ve done the sport/program…”

  3. Anxiety about the unknown

    → “I need a plan, now” (when you’re really just afraid of being still).

  4. Loneliness disguised as hyper-independence

    → “I’m good” (secretly starving for connection).

Sound familiar?

How to Build Emotional Awareness (Without a Therapist’s Degree)

 

  1. Pause before you react.

    Before you fire off that DM, avoid that conversation, or commit to another thing out of guilt—PAUSE. What a gift.

    Ask: “What am I feeling? What am I being shown that I need to change?”

  2. Use emotional vocabulary.

    Instead of “bad” or “fine,” try: anxious, dismissed, disappointed, insecure, disrespected, disconnected.

    The more accurate the label, the more power you reclaim.

  3. Separate emotion from identity.

    “I feel angry” ≠ “I am angry.”

    Feelings are temporary. They’re signals, not sentences.

  4. Check your body.

    Our bodies speak before our words. Tight gut or chest? Shallow breath? That’s information. Learn to listen.

  5. Write it out.

    Journaling builds self-awareness and emotional regulation. Studies show it can decrease anxiety and increase clarity by up to 20%.²

Ask Yourself Today:

 

  • What am I feeling? And what story am I telling myself about that feeling?

  • Who would I be if I responded with awareness instead of reaction?

  • Was there an opportunity to practice a  PAUSE today?

Sources

  1. Lieberman, M. D., et al. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 2007.

  2. Pennebaker, J. W., & Chung, C. K. The Oxford Handbook of Health Psychology, 2011.

The Power of Emotional Awareness

Discover how emotional awareness can transform your retirement journey and redefine your identity.
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