The Strength We Never Trained For: Vulnerability After Sports
Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.
— Brené Brown
Athletes are trained to be strong.
To hide weakness.
To play through pain.
Coaches are trained to lead with authority.
To have the answers.
To never let them see you sweat.
For years, this worked in sports.
But when the game ends?
That armor becomes a cage.
The Science of Vulnerability
Research backs this up.
Vulnerability lowers stress: A 2014 study in Emotion found that people who openly expressed their struggles reported higher well-being and lower stress than those who suppressed emotions.¹
Vulnerability builds trust: Neuroscientist Paul Zak’s work shows that sharing authentic experiences increases oxytocin levels—the “trust hormone”—in others.²
Vulnerability boosts leadership: Studies from Harvard show leaders who admit mistakes are seen as more relatable, trustworthy, and capable of growth.³
Put simply: when you open up, you don’t lose strength you multiply it.
From Hiding to Releasing
After I left coaching, I hid my struggles about money and emotions. I pretended like everything was fine. On the outside, I looked put together. On the inside, it felt terrible in my body.
When I did let myself be vulnerable, it often came out in tears.
When I quit coaching, I cried. Not because I doubted my choice, but because I thought I was a bad person for letting people down. I carried shame for not living up to the expectations I thought others had for me.
But slowly, things shifted. I surrounded myself with people who gave me space to be honest, people who didn’t judge me, who supported me through the mess.
Now, vulnerability feels different. I feel what I feel. I talk about it. I release it. And I no longer carry shame for being human. In fact, it feels beautiful.
Why Athletes Often Resist Vulnerability
We’ve been taught emotions = weakness.
We’ve been told showing pain = weakness.
We’ve been glorified for shutting it all down and performing anyway.
So when life after sport gets messy: money struggles, lost identity, fear of the future we do what we’ve always done: we mask it.
But masking keeps us alone. Suffering in silence.
Start Your Transformation Today
What Vulnerability Looks Like in Real Life
It doesn’t mean oversharing.
It doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means:
Saying “I don’t know what’s next, but I’ll figure it out” without shame.
Admitting, “I’m scared I won’t make it outside of sports, but I know that’s fear talking”
Letting someone you trust and feel safe with see you cry.
Asking for help instead of pushing through alone.
Action Steps to Practice Vulnerability
Start Small
Share one honest feeling with someone you trust this week. Don’t sugarcoat it.
Use “I Feel” Language
Instead of “I’m fine,” say: “I feel anxious,” or “I feel lost.” Research shows this reduces intensity in the brain’s fear center.⁴
Notice Your Body
Vulnerability often feels like a tight chest or a racing heart. Remind yourself: This is what courage feels like.
Reframe Failure
Vulnerability is about showing up without guarantees. Every time you risk that, you’re training a new muscle.
Find Your Circle
Surround yourself with people who see your humanity, not just your performance. Connection heals what shame isolates.
Why This Matters
Without vulnerability, you can’t build authentic healthy relationships.
Without vulnerability, you can’t lead others into change.
And without vulnerability, you’ll never feel fully free.
Because strength isn’t never falling down.
Strength is having the courage to say: “Here’s where I am and I’m still showing up.”
Final Thought
In sports, vulnerability is often hidden.
In life after sports, vulnerability might just be your greatest strength.
It’s how you’ll connect.
It’s how you’ll lead.
And it’s how you’ll rebuild a life that feels whole again.
📚 Sources
Stanton, A. L., et al. (2014). Emotion.
Zak, P. J. (2017). The Neuroscience of Trust. Harvard Business Review.
Edmondson, A. (2011). Harvard Business Review.
Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience.
The Strength We Never Trained For
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